Neil Patrick Harris | Interview excerpt
And now you’ve got two weddings to plan: Barney’s and your own. Do you and your partner, David Burtka, have a date yet?
No, we don’t. We proposed to each other with no intention of setting a date, and that was years ago, and since that time marriage equality has passed in New York but not in L.A. where we reside mostly, so I’m most interested in seeing what happens with this whole West Coast Prop 8 situation. I would certainly like to get married for reals, and not just as a fun, fancy night out.
You’re not just hiding behind the law to put off the date?
[Laughs] Oh, my gosh, no, no. With two babies, I’m in a little bit too deep to be having buyer’s remorse.
Do you see your ceremony as a political act or a private one?
I strongly felt that it was just a private act, and in fact we had the opportunity to go to the courthouse in L.A. when you were able to get married, and I said, “Let’s not do it,” because I didn’t want it to seem like some sort of statement. I really wanted to just go and get married, but I knew that there would be media down there, and I wanted to have some semblance of purity with it. I made the wrong choice ’cause now you can’t get married there.
With your twins a year and a half old, are they speaking their own secret language yet?
They understand the English language very well but haven’t chosen to speak it yet. There’s lots of gurgling. They speak like I do after a long night at the Magic Castle. Maybe that’s where they’re learning that. From my Hasselhoff-ish nature.
How’s the dad life so far?
[David]’s meant to be a dad. He’s just amazing with children; I’m a very lucky man. My bonding has increased exponentially the older that they’ve gotten. When they’re just crying and you can’t ask them what’s wrong, you have to just try different things. That’s not in my skill set.
How do you think of yourself?
I think I’m an overworked dad at the moment.
(x) June, 2012
David first proposed to me five years ago on the actual street corner where we met(…)he got on one knee and proposed, and I was so freaked out by it that I said, “Yes,” but I didn’t know what it meant. Then I got the ring and loved it, and a year later, on Valentine’s Day, I proposed to him in Santa Monica(…)I’d also like to call him my husband(…)I’ve been saying “better half” for as long as I’ve been able to. I think it’s a little self-deprecating and clearly defines that we’re in a relationship, but it would be nice to say “my husband”.
There’s something kinetic about him and his being. He’s classically sexy, yet he’s very much a boy in his energy. It’s a great dynamic. When I see people who are equally attractive, they tend to seem more quiet and kind of Marlboro Man-y, and David’s the antithesis of that. He’s more like Tigger. I’m, in turn, very introspective — the thinker, rather than the doer. I tend to weigh options before making decisions, and David is the polar opposite of that. We’re hyper similar and also incredibly opposite.
Sara Gilbert: You said something that I though was so honest. I was kinda impressed with your honesty, because sometimes people aren’t so honest with relationships. You said in relation to David ‘sometimes I’m deeply in love with David and head over heels and sometimes I question whether it’s going to work out and is meant to be. So what makes you question it, or do you think that’s normal?
Neil Patrick Harris: Well I said that becausewe were doing an article in the love issue of Out magazine which I thought was great. But I just wanted make sure that that article didn’t paint us as if we were some sort of ‘everthing’s always happy, we’re always in love and everything’s good’ because y’know we’re on year 8 of our relationship, and that’s a long time. When I read that afterwards it sounds like very scandalous y’know like I’m questioning whether we’re even meant to be together, but it’s not like that. Love by design is like that, I feel like [in] a healthy relationship you have to be constantly redefining what that means, because for the first couple of years, things are new and you’re figuring things out and you’re so excited that you complete each other in many ways. But after a length of time you kinda know all about each other and you sort of have to redesign what that notion means to you. And so with that comes moments where you’re not so in love with each other. I think that’s pretty normal, but we’re in a super awesome place now and he’s a great dad and a great guy.
I thought he was adorable, though, with these amazing blue eyes that are just hypnotizing to me. - David (Out Magazine)
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS
I ran into my friend Kate one day and she was with this brooding, James Dean–type guy in a leather jacket who gave me the head nod and then turned away. I assumed he was Kate’s boyfriend and said, “Nicely done.” And she said, “David? He’s not playing on my team, but he has a boyfriend.” So, then I just kept seeing him on the periphery, and in turn, catching up on him, but I didn’t want to be that guy who was creating some sort of romantic interference. So, I was always around when he was around, hoping the stars would align. When we all hung out for the first time — I was invited by Kate to anAmerican Idol viewing party — I just stammered around him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.